This episode explores why making big decisions can feel so heavy, especially when both choices hold something you deeply value. Through my own struggle with where to call home, I question the pressure to find the “right” answer and consider what changes when we give ourselves permission to choose, change our minds, and trust what unfolds.

TRANSCRIPT

Hello, and welcome to Unveil Her. I am Jennifer Fox, and here we talk about the things that we don’t wanna see, and, hopefully see differently and grow and be a better person, a whole person closer to who we were created to be.

This episode, I wanted to talk to you about my vacation. This is not just my vacation.

This was Oh, goodness. This was the time that my husband and I got away, just the two of us. We took our dog, Ava, and we went to Virginia near the Chesapeake Bay.

It was one of those trips that we planned the location, we planned the actual Airbnb, but the surroundings I had no research, no insight, didn’t even know where restaurants were other than what the Airbnb hosts told us. And I was okay with that.

It was just this most beautiful setting in this small town, very rural, but this home overlooked the entire river, the, oh, what was it called?

Rappahannock. That was it, Rappahannock.

And, it was like from as far left as you could see to as far right as you could see, and this big huge banquet of windows from floor to ceiling, and two wicker chairs with little stools at the end so you could drink your coffee, or tea in my case, and sit there and just relax and think, or not think, or ponder, or sleep or chat.

My husband and I sat in those two chairs every morning and every night, and we had some of the most fantastic conversations.

But speaking of conversations, we, obviously started the trip… We drove. We started the trip in the car with more conversations. And one of the conversations was about my podcast.

If you remember last episode, I really was feeling stuck and feeling like I didn’t know what to bring to you guys. I didn’t know what to talk about, what would be the right thing to talk about. These last two weeks since then, I have had a unveil her moment. I see things differently.

I see things actually the way that I originally intended to, but somehow lost sight of them.

I see this as an opportunity to show up and be me, to just show up and share. Because years ago it was, “Tell your stories, Jennifer,” and the recent pressure of all of the questions just came down on me, and it became what do you wanna hear instead of what do I want to share.

There’s room for what you want to hear, but I really do believe that if I focus on what you want, I’m gonna lose sight of me. And yeah, no, we’re not doing that here.

Am excited about the trip that I took and what it offered me because it wasn’t just a vacation.

There were things that were opened up in me that I didn’t even realize were locked up.

One of them is my love of water.

I know I shared this in the intro video for the podcast. I love water. I love the color blue. But I thought it was just I just needed to be a little near little pockets of water.

Maybe I could put my fountain there, or I could have this, or eventually I’ll have the pool.

But man, seeing that vast valley of water all day, every day, and having your soul just relax just did something to me.

It, it calmed me down in a way that ironically, when Matt and I lived at our lake house, we had a similar view, but of a lake, and at the time, I thought, “I don’t wanna be calm.

I wanna get up and go. This is not what I wanna look at every day.”

What, what a fool I was. What a stinking fool I was.

I didn’t know what I had, and I didn’t know what I had because I had to go through the next few years of not having it to realize how important it is, and that “it” could be anything.

For me, it’s that view of water. It just breathes in my body It changes me on a molecular level, if that’s possible.

I’m really hoping that one day I’ll have a chance to see that again every day out my window. It’s not just the little pool. It’s the surrounding by water because water gives life, and that is one of the names that I have been given is Life Giver.

There’s a story behind that and how I got that name, and, it’s actually pretty personal, but it was a beautiful, beautiful moment.

Um, do I wanna share that?

Let’s just say that it has to do with children and being a mom and the idea of no longer being able to give life And sitting with that and saying, “No, I, I wanna be a life-giver. I am a life-giver.”

And that’s what water does for me. It fuels my soul.

It, it calms me enough so that I can see again, to where the noise in my head stops. And when the noise in my head stops, I realize that something else happens. There’s that little piece of me that I was talking about earlier that got unlocked.

There, this corporate Jennifer who has to have everything all tight and polished and buttoned up, and then there’s the go camping, hiking Jennifer that doesn’t care and doesn’t shave and has mud on her clothes and her dog’s paw prints are all over.

I don’t care. I love it. I love either way. But inside of that, there was still this box I had put myself in.

Now, let me go back a few years.

It was about nine years ago that I had a drastic life-changing moment. A drastic.

I was in corporate America. I was climbing the ladder. I had the dream job. I had the dream car. I had the dream house. I had the dream boat. I had the dream jet ski.

And I was miserable.

I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror.

I was making some choices that were destroying me, and I had to take a step back and face, face that person. Do I wanna continue this way?

It didn’t even happen overnight. It was a gradual progression of just being lonely and being desperately wanted and seeking and searching for all of the things that I thought that would fulfill that.

And that day, I was like, “I can’t, I can’t keep doing this anymore because nothing out here is gonna fill that.”

And I made some huge changes in my life. I looked in the mirror, and I got serious about seeing differently, about seeing me differently.

And in that time There was a piece of me that was ironically full of energy. The time, I mean, before I had the life change. The time where I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror.

On the outside, I was full of energy. I wore bright colors. I always had a smile on my face. It was like I was just the, the life of the party.

And, when I decided to look in that mirror and see myself , not this person that I was portraying to be, somewhere in there I either lost or put on a shelf that, that energy and the color, and that vibrance because for many years I had to go to some really hard places.

I wasn’t really wanting to wear bright colors and yay moments when I was going through some deep changes in life.

And it was in those changes that brought me to light, that I was able to see light, that I was able to see that I am light and that I am the life giver.

That color, that vibrance, that energy, I could see her. I had pictures of her. I had moments of her, but I wasn’t embracing her.

This trip really showed me how to bring color back into my life, how to bring fun back into my life.

I had a very dear friend after the first episode reach out to me after years, and she messaged me and said that she missed my energy And I replied back to her, “I’m here. I’m so grateful you reached out.” And, uh, “I miss my energy, too.”

The fact that she said something really got me thinking about my energy.

Another girlfriend bought me a, a bright pink summer beach bag and a blue bag and pink towel and, and I was like, “Oh, okay, I’m taking this on my trip.”

And I used it every day, and I loved it every day.

And it was, wow, there’s another piece of Jennifer coming back, and it felt really great. It felt really great.

What are you doing with your life right now? What am I doing with my life right now?

Let me even ask it a different way Am I okay with what I’m doing with my life right now?

Do I believe that what I’m doing with my life right now is what I’m supposed to be doing?

How do you answer that question?

Shoot. I have to pause there

Sorry for the interruption. I had to take my mic off so I could plug my phone in because I knew that if I stopped recording and waited for my battery to charge, I would lose this concentration and potentially lose this story, and I didn’t wanna do that.

So this may sound not as great, but we’re rolling with it.

Back to Virginia, “Wow, I felt more me again.”

And after my 50th birthday party, everyone showed up for me, and I felt more me again.

That brings me to another decision.

Another very life-changing decision that Virginia just renewed that sense of life in me. And I realize now that I want water, I need water to be a part of my life.

It’s not just a luxury, “Yay, she gets to go swim in the pool.”

It’s when you find that one place that soothes your soul, and without it, y- you just, the, the noise creeps in. And, that for me, as far as an earthly place, that’s for me.

I can close my eyes and envision it and get there. But it’s different when you’re seeing it, and you’re able to just let your body and your mind and your spirit all come together and relax at once.

It’s a beautiful thing.

So my next decision is, well, I don’t have water by me. I’m in the suburbs or outskirts of Cleveland, Ohio, where there’s Lake Erie, but it’s not ocean water. And that’s what I realize I’m drawn to, is the coastal life.

So then comes the question: Do I move?

And that is not an easy question, and not a question, that is one that I’m gonna take quickly.

Because maybe if I were younger, didn’t have roots, I could say, “Yep, let’s go. Let’s go to Virginia and, spend some time here for 10, 20 years and come back home when life calls me back,” if I ever come back home at all.

Now I’m older, my life is more settled.

You know, I’ve talked about my volleyball teams, and it’s strange. It’s like I’ve only been with them for a few months, but I feel very connected. And a particular family member has opened her heart to me and her friendships, and I have gained some incredible girlfriends.

I have other friends through church or through past experiences that we’ve stayed connected.

And the people that showed up for me at my 50-year-old mark, I realized they showed up for me. They didn’t show up because they wanted a party. They didn’t show up because they were friends with my husband.

They showed up for me, and that, that’s huge. That’s, that’s bigger than huge for me.

And my entire family is here, and I have a very large family. I come from a split home, so I have mom, stepdad, dad, stepmom, all the family.

I’m really torn.

I have never wanted to leave them, but now I’m at this point where I don’t wanna leave me either.

This decision of leave my friends and family and follow my own desires and dreams, or stay where the relationships mean so, so much to me.

Yet leave behind the piece of me that brings me such joy.

I don’t have an answer yet.

I’m still asking those questions.

My husband and I have been looking for a home for years . I wanted someplace that felt like home.

Not just the place that I moved to or the place that I now live in because I got married, or the place that’s going to get me closer to family.

I wanted the place that spoke to our souls, to Matt and mine and our little dog, Ava, where do I want to be? Where’s home?

We have looked at numerous homes in the area where we live in now. And now that I went to Virginia, I felt home there.

I, uh, holding back some more tears here ’cause it, like I said, it did something to me And, it was amazing. It was absolutely amazing.

And I’m back home in, where I live, back home now. And when I walked in the door, I was also reminded of the life that I have here and how much home means to me here.

I guess we’re just gonna unfold this answer together and figure out where does Jennifer live?

Maybe there’s more to it than that.

There a possibility of living a split life – would that be, a sacrifice or a happy medium?

I could look for the logical answer, but I’m not in this to look for the logical answer.

I’m looking for the answer that’s gonna settle in my bones.

Wait to see what feels so important that I don’t wanna give up. Wait to see what feels whole and good for me.”

But then the other aspect of that is waiting. I don’t wanna wait forever.

That’s the whole point. We’ve been looking for the house that we call home, and that place just felt like home to me.

But here I have life and people as my home.

Where is home?

Where is home for you, and how do you find home? I’d love to know.

I don’t necessarily want solutions of, “You should go here” or “You should go there,” but what are some different ways to think about this?

What are some different questions that I haven’t asked?

Or maybe you have a similar experience and you wanna share it and, that’ll shed a light bulb moment .

In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy every single moment that I have here and enjoy and nurture the friendships that I have here, and I will still lean into the broken relationships that I hope will mend.

That may take us into the next podcast of what are those relationships?

Am I holding on to relationships And not going, not moving, not living my life for fear of missing out on a relationship I don’t know. I don’t know.

All I know is that Virginia filled me like no other place has filled me.

Shout out to those new Virginia friends. I will see you again in lovely little town of Urbanna.

Thank you everyone for joining me in this journey of making decisions when it’s hard to make decisions, of looking at both sides of the coin when one thing matters so much to you and the other side equally matters so much to you, and where do you land and how do you, how do you find that answer?

How do we make the choice that’s truest to us?

 Yesterday when I finished that video, I was really thinking about something that I actually said when I was recording that, I felt important enough to jump back on here and add to this episode.

That was around the notion of how to make this life-changing decision, how do you make that?

For me, I think part of it is doing exactly what I did, is thinking out loud, asking questions out loud.

Oftentimes I do it in my head, and then I get swallowed up with all of the stuff that’s continues to spin in my head.

And I found that when I speak out loud, ideally to others, and there are some friends that I go to regularly, and we have a safe space where we can name the things that are, on our hearts or heavy to us or we’re perplexed about.

Even when the decision is simple, do I want a hamburger or a hot dog?

Decisions to me have always been heavy because I’ve realized the fear of making the wrong decision.

Part of that comes with realizing that nine times out of 10, there is no wrong decision. It’s just a decision.

Something I listened to yesterday also stuck with me, and I wanted to come back and share with you, and that is, “No decision is permanent, and you can always change your mind.”

You can always change your mind.

Even if it’s you’re walking down the aisle, the invitations have gone out, the flowers are paid for, everything’s done, people are here.

If you genuinely feel like it’s not true or right or good for you, it’s okay to take a little bit more time.

You don’t have to jump to a yes or a no, but it’s okay to say, “Whoa, I’m not ready yet.”

Just in the past less than 24 hours- Sitting with the weight of my future I realize it doesn’t have to be so heavy.

Maybe there is no ideal place on this planet that will tick all of my boxes in one location. Maybe that’s the point.

Maybe, just allowing myself the freedom to go to different places physically, literally, and mentally.

Ohio or Virginia.

Well, maybe it’s not.

Maybe it’s Ohio and Virginia.

Maybe it’s something completely different that I haven’t even thought of yet, but giving myself the time to see what eventually stirs up is what I need to allow myself to do.

I have a sweatshirt on. I haven’t had a sweatshirt on in forever, and I am seeing winter in my near future and going, “Heck no. Just no. Get me out of here. I’m going to Florida.”

Then sitting and talking about what does this mean for me? What does this mean for my husband, my immediate family?

How does this affect not just my lifestyle, but, those that are around me that I want to stay connected with? What impact does this have?

I would love for the world to revolve around me, but then I would hate it at the same time, ’cause it’s so easy for me to want to get my way, but if I did that all the time, then I wouldn’t become the person that is kind and caring and giving and compassionate, and that’s, part of what this journey is teaching me, too.

And there is a special awakening in this.

Ohio is a beautiful place. Virginia is a beautiful place. There are so many other states and cities and towns that I probably have yet to visit that are maybe the right calling or the right fit.

I’ll go, and I’ll explore until I finally know.

Then the other side of it is maybe I’ll never know.

Maybe I’m the kind of person that thinks that I wanna settle or, but I’m actually an explorer by nature.

It’s funny that when we put ourselves out there to do the thing that’s uncomfortable, again, showing up in front of you to do this podcast, that in those moments are when we have the realizations.

I would say ask your question out loud and then give yourself the answer out loud.

Close your eyes if you need to. Sit quietly if you need to, and pay attention to what your body is telling you.

Pay attention to if your throat clams, if your stomach twists, if your palms get sweaty, or maybe your shoulders relax, or you find yourself smiling a little bit, or your feet lift off the floor a little bit and you feel light.

Those things matter. They are part of your decision-making toolery, if you will.

Do I wanna go to Virginia? Yes.

Do I wanna stay in Ohio? Yes, and see what my body says. I haven’t done that yet.

The one thing that is incredibly important, over the years, I have said, “Lord, show me your will. Show me the direction that you want me to go.”

I have been so willing to go that path, and oftentimes I have not gotten a concrete answer.

I think, “Okay, I’m just supposed to stay on the path that I’m on until He gives me this answer.”

I believe in God of the Bible, and that’s my source of faith, and I found that’s the one true faith.

I’m also open to where you are in your journey of faith or no faith, or I, I don’t know. I wanna have this line between you and I that we can listen and appreciate where we both are.

And for me, going to God of the Bible, Jehovah, Jesus, has been for many years, like a anchor, but not a good anchor, not a solid anchor.

It was more like a anchor on my foot , “Okay, God, you’re supposed to tell me. You’re supposed to give me the answers.”

The last few years it really dawned on me that when I am in line with God, that no matter what I choose, will be in alignment with God.

So it lifted the burden of the get it right or the having to be in God’s will because if I am in God’s will, my choices will be in God’s will.

I’m still going to sit with those decisions and those tools and see where this goes because I suspect it’s gonna go in a completely different direction than I even have in my head right now, and I’m excited about that.

Thank you for sitting with me and going on this journey with me of how to make decisions , when they’re hard decisions.

Both sides matter.

I’ll talk to you later. I love you all. Bye.